Love · FORTUNE
Fortune #29
Mixed — reflect carefully
When family is involved, agree on a boundary as partners first, then communicate it in words both can stand behind.
QUOTE CARD
A quote for you
“ครอบครัวที่มีความสุขคล้ายกัน แต่ความทุกข์ของแต่ละครอบครัวมีเหตุของตนเอง”
— เลโอ ตอลสตอย
นักประพันธ์ชาวรัสเซีย ผู้เขียน War and Peace และ Anna Karenina
- Person
- Leo Tolstoy
- Source work
- Anna Karenina
- Source text
- Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
STORY & REFLECTION
A boundary the couple communicated to family
Research-based illustration · Acting as a team with extended family
Illustrative scene: A relative calls to say they will stay for a week. One partner agrees immediately without asking the other, who works from home.
After the strain, they agree to discuss overnight requests before answering. Together they tell the relative which nights work. The home belongs to both people living in it.
Gottman recommends that partners align on boundaries before communicating them to grandparents or other relatives. Acting as a team does not mean cutting family off; it means one partner is not left alone to absorb the pressure.
Being a team does not mean rejecting family. It means neither partner answers for the other about their shared home.
Reflection
Family ties work best with the couple's boundaries.
A small action today
Agree on available time together before accepting plans.
A question to reflect on
Which family boundary should the two of you agree on before discussing it with others?