Love · FORTUNE
Fortune #37
Mixed — reflect carefully
“If they loved me, they would know” gives a partner an unseen test. Say what you need before treating a missed guess as indifference.
QUOTE CARD
A quote for you
“สิ่งที่รบกวนใจมนุษย์ ไม่ใช่เหตุการณ์เอง แต่คือหลักคิดและความเห็นที่เราสร้างขึ้นต่อเหตุการณ์นั้น”
— เอพิคทีตัส
นักปรัชญาสโตอิกชาวกรีก ผู้สอนเรื่องการแยกสิ่งที่ควบคุมได้ออกจากสิ่งที่ควบคุมไม่ได้
- Person
- Epictetus
- Source work
- Enchiridion, section 5 · Elizabeth Carter translation
- Source text
- Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things.
STORY & REFLECTION
Mind reading checked against evidence
Research-based illustration · Expectations that were never spoken
Illustrative scene: Someone wants a ride after a hard meeting but says “It's fine” when asked what they need. Later they feel hurt that their partner went home.
On reflection, the need is real even though it went unsaid. Next time they ask, “Could you pick me up?” The answer may be yes or no, but it will answer a real request.
The NHS describes mind reading as concluding what another person thinks without checking evidence. In a relationship, something that seems obvious may never have been communicated, so stating the request gives the other person a real chance to understand.
A partner can respond to a request they hear. Hurt over an unspoken need can lead to clarity rather than blame.
Reflection
Love does not make anyone a mind reader.
A small action today
Turn one unstated expectation into a clear request.
A question to reflect on
What do you expect your partner to know without having told them?